The Ultimate Mother of the Groom Checklist

Shannon Capri // Lead Writer & Editor

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Count Down The Ultimate Mother of the Groom Checklist for 2020

Find out how you can make the most of being the mother of the groom. Our checklist is designed to help you be part of the wedding in all the right ways.

Being the mother of the groom can be a somewhat tricky role. Traditionally, there aren’t too many duties or responsibilities, however, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be involved. After all, it’s your son’s big day in 2020!

Thankfully, the notion that the mother of the groom should just wear beige and keep quiet (yes, genuinely overheard at a wedding) has largely disappeared. It’s now completely acceptable for you to help the happy couple with the nitty-gritty of wedding planning, and on the actual day too.

If you want to make sure your involvement is welcome and truly helpful, here’s what to do:

Six Things to Do as the Mother of the Groom


01. Make Contact With The Bride’s Mother

The planning phase of any wedding is traditionally the realm of the bride and her mother. Even if you have an excellent relationship with your son’s intended, it’s important that you talk to the mother of the bride too. This is a special time between mother and daughter, and it’s best to show that you aren’t trying to get in on the action.

Early on, right after the engagement is announced, reach out in a phone call or personal email and establish a connection. You need to let her know that you are excited and available to help in any way possible, without being pushy.

02. Be Ready To Follow

The planning is not about you. It’s important to be a sounding board for ideas, give input when you are asked, and take initiative on any tasks you are given. However, you should always make sure you have the bride’s vision in mind when you do so. Try not to inject your feelings and inspirations unless you’re really in tune with the bride’s way of thinking.

Always try to make yourself available for any appointments you’re invited to. Cake tastings, dress shopping and makeup trials are all important moments that will mean a lot to the bride. However, if you have work responsibilities or anything that prevents you from being flexible with your time, make sure you communicate this upfront. Let the bride know that you want to be there but if the appointments are during working hours you may have to miss out. If you cannot be there in person, you may be able to take part virtually via video call, which is a great compromise.

03. Talk About The Finances

Ah, money. A touchy subject for a lot of couples and their families, but a necessary one at that.

The couple may be trying to pay for everything on their own or going the more traditional route and letting the bride’s parents pick up the tab. Regardless, you can be part of the money conversation, and it’s quite important that you are. There are elements that you, as the groom’s mother and parents, are responsible for. Additionally, you may be able to help out in other areas too if the conversation is held in an open fashion.

It’s also important to talk about exactly who is paying for what and how that money should be spent. You are allowed to make a few ground rules about the areas that you are covering but try to be open and fair. You don’t want to make it all about you and potentially cause stress for the couple.

04. Check-In On The Guest List

It’s your job to ensure that the groom’s portion of the guest list is sorted out and that the contact information is all correct. Firstly, you need to know how many guests the budget and chosen venue can accommodate. Then, you need to make your A, B and C lists of who absolutely must and who should be invited. Finally, these lists need to be compared and organized in conjunction with the bride’s portion of the guest list.

Try not to insist that any of your guests get preference over their guests. But don’t be afraid to put your foot down if you feel that not inviting someone is going to start a family feud.

05. Plan The Rehearsal Dinner

This is the biggest responsibility on your list. It’s also quite a tricky line to walk. You want to make the rehearsal dinner a memorable evening, but it mustn’t outshine or put a dampener on the wedding. The most important factors to consider are who is going to be there, what time they need to get up in the morning to start getting ready for the wedding, and how the food at the dinner will be.

Now is not the right time to try out a restaurant with food none of you are used to eating. No one wants a bloated, gassy wedding party, or worse, one with food poisoning. Book a restaurant or venue where you know the food and the staff, and you can control the evening with ease.

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06. Plan What You Are Going To Wear

Remember, the big day is special for you too. You’re also going to be snapped in a lot of photos, so it’s important to think about yourself just a little bit in the run-up to the wedding. There’s nothing wrong with booking yourself a pamper session to help you de-stress and make sure you look your best. You can even take some time to do a trial for your hair and makeup. The bride will be thrilled that you put the effort in to look wonderful on her and your son’s special day.

When it comes to what you’re going to wear, it’s a good idea to wait until you know what the mother of the bride is wearing. You can then make sure that your outfit doesn’t upstage hers or look too similar. Two weeks before the wedding have a dress rehearsal to make sure that your outfit still fits perfectly, and if alterations are needed, have them made in good time.

Closing Thoughts

Your role as the mother of the groom is a special one and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Although the best gift of all is your help with the planning of their big day, a thoughtful wedding gift is a wonderful opportunity to express your love to your son and his new bride. We hope this checklist has ironed out any concerns for mothers of the groom, and that your son’s special day is magical and memorable.


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